How to imply that we are not seeking a gift?
You know those people from your moms church who you haven’t seen in years, but your mom still insists that they get an invite. How do we imply that we are not seeking a gift? I know it’s inappropriate to make implications directly on the invite. Is it done by word of mouth?
The easiest and most etiquette friendly way is to tell your mom to tell any of them who ask, "Oh, my daughter already has so many things, we’d just love for you to join us, no gift is necessary."
I guarantee they’ll be talking to your mom and ask where you’re registered so the best thing you can do is talk to her and help her come up with a polite way to dissuade them from getting you a gift.
My mom didn’t invite all those little old ladies but they called her anyway wanting to get me a gift and she talked them out of it and suggested they just give me a congratulatory card.
December 21st, 2009 at 4:04 am
Word of mouth is the only way you can do this tactfully. Just tell your mom to pass along the info. It’ll get around.
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December 21st, 2009 at 4:22 am
I don’t see any problem with putting it on the invitation. put ‘in lieu of gifts, please make a small donation to the charity organization of your choice.’
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December 21st, 2009 at 4:46 am
You can add in the invitations "Your presence is the greatest gift."
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December 21st, 2009 at 5:07 am
Simply put "Please no gifts".
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December 21st, 2009 at 5:42 am
you can put a note with the invite that says: even though we would love the thoughtfulness of a gift from you, we feel that it is unecessary for (what ever event). Or, you could add on the invite :"your presence is the best gift you can give"
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December 21st, 2009 at 6:11 am
There’s probably nothing too horribly wrong if your mom mentions it to them, but overall the etiquette on this is that you don’t say or do anything at all. They may want to give you something more as a reflection of their closeness to your mom and it’s fine if that happens. But either way, you’re correct that this doesn’t go in the invite.
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December 21st, 2009 at 6:37 am
You don’t make any mention of gifts at all, even by word of mouth. If people want to give you something, you graciously accept it and move on with your day.
If your mom is willing to shell out her own money to invite random strangers, that’s her perogative. If you don’t know them, you don’t invite them. Your guestlist should consist only of your nearest and dearest. Not your cousin’s mailman’s barber.
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December 21st, 2009 at 7:15 am
Just use word of mouth, through your mom and bridesmaids. There’s really no other polite way to do it.
You also don’t need to set up a registry. But if they’re insiting to get you something, you might want to register for things like towels, dish towels and plain bedsheets. That way, if they feel compelled to get you a present, at least it’ll be something you can always use (if they go off the registry, anyway).
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December 21st, 2009 at 8:04 am
How about a little personal note in the invite (if there are not too many of them) that you are so glad that your mother reminded you to remember your/and her (or call them family) longtime friends with an invitation to your wedding. You can mention something about being honored if they can attend, but expressing thanks for their consideration even if they can not attend and you just wanted to take a moment to say hello.
That way they are less likely to see this as a canvasing for gifts and might be touched by the time you took to personally include a note for them since you never see them and it might be the last time you communicate with them.
I have never been one for complete formalities, so if this is not considered *proper* wedding etiquette, it will still add a personal touch to someone who has not seen you in a very long time and might be a blessing to them as well leaving everyone feeling a little better for the experience.
Wedding invitations are often so cold feeling anyway, an occasional addition of personal notes to someone you never see is a nice way to soften the chill they often seem to portray in such a case.
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My own personal experience
December 21st, 2009 at 8:51 am
do you mean that these church people will be invited to the wedding and reception which is a formal reception with a meal and dancing and such, and that they are invited as a couple? these people are friends, in that case, and guests of your parents, and all parents like to have their friends at their kids weddings, in fact in some families friends do this over many generations.
or is this an informal invite to moms church pals who will come as a ladies group to the wedding and then to the hall for some punch and cake?
see the difference? no matter which it is, you wouldnt comment on their gift choice. not in any way. but if all they are doing is taking in your wedding for a few minutes from the back of church and then enjoying a glass of punch for a half hour with you later, they will probably not get you a lavish gift, and might all go in together to get you one nice gift. so, in short, dont worry about it, it is not your place to worry about their interest or ability to get you a gift either way.
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December 21st, 2009 at 9:31 am
It is appropriate to tell them if they ask directly.
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December 21st, 2009 at 9:49 am
The "do it by word of mouth" advice is correct, but leaves out the logistics. How do you get people to ask what sort of gift the couple would like, and to ask someone who can give the answer that you want given?
You do RSVP by phone. When people call, most will ask what sort of gift the couple would appreciate. This also saves you a lot of money and headaches. Get your helpers to take and make most of the calls.
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December 21st, 2009 at 10:26 am
You don’t. Let the person who is invited decide if they want to gift you or not. Even spreading it word of mouth is a little distasteful because it implies that you were expecting them to buy you one anyway.
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December 21st, 2009 at 10:46 am
The easiest and most etiquette friendly way is to tell your mom to tell any of them who ask, "Oh, my daughter already has so many things, we’d just love for you to join us, no gift is necessary."
I guarantee they’ll be talking to your mom and ask where you’re registered so the best thing you can do is talk to her and help her come up with a polite way to dissuade them from getting you a gift.
My mom didn’t invite all those little old ladies but they called her anyway wanting to get me a gift and she talked them out of it and suggested they just give me a congratulatory card.
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